“What’s worse than taking clean clothes out of the washing machine, triumphant at the completion of yet another load, only to find all the clothes LITTERED WITH TISSUE BITS!” the wife shouted at our ODD News reporter.  “I always take the tissues out of my pants’ pockets before I put them in the wash, so this was not my fault.”

 

“I’m new to tissues,” the husband responded, “since the pandemic.”

 

“What in the world does the pandemic have to do with tissues?” the wife asked.

 

“When I used to go out, I always carried a handkerchief,” explained the husband.  “Since lock-down, I’ve been using tissues around the house.  Then I shove them into my pants’ pockets.”

 

“But you keep forgetting to take them out before you toss your pants in the laundry!” responded the wife.

 

 “It only happened twice,” said the husband. “I’m not sure both times were my responsibility.”

 

“I only wear gym shorts now,” the wife volleyed back. “No pockets, no tissues, no fault.”

Joyfully journeying up and down the aisles at the new Wegman’s grocery store on a hunt for the aluminum foil, the husband found himself face to face with what he’d been wanting for years: “3-way LED light bulbs!”

 

“I’d been saying for a long time how great LED bulbs are,” the husband told ODD News, “and that it’s a shame they don’t make them in 3-ways.  Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there they were!”  [Fact check:  They’ve been around since 2013—he just didn’t know.]

 

The wife tried to share his enthusiasm, but she never cared about bulbs and has no idea what LED even means. She did find his buying just two bulbs a head scratcher, since they needed more like five. But then she realized, he’s not one to rush into things.  It took them seven years to get married. 

 

Questioned as to the quantity, the husband said: “We’ll have to see how these bulbs work out.”

“We have ants, so many ants, living large in our upstairs bathroom sink!” the worried wife told ODD News. “We usually have some ants in the kitchen in the spring, but never like this, never now. Maybe it’s pandemic-related?”

 

In fact, ants are giants among species at surviving plagues.  According to Discover Magazine, “to ward off diseases in the nest,” ants social distance. They wash their multiple hands and feet (and their partners’ multiple hands and feet) regularly.  They force unhealthy brethren to quarantine, far away from base camp.

 

“Well they’re not social distancing right now in my sink,” the wife said. “It’s disgusting.”  But, she confessed, it’s also fascinating.  “Those little tiny creatures, they’re all crowded in there together.  They march around in pairs.  They have all that freedom. I think they’re just showing off.”